The Universe has a peculiar way of forcing us to face our pain. March is approaching which always sends me into that downward spiral (as the day that I lost my Zachary fast approaches) and at the same time, I was told I had to rewrite the chapter about his passing.
“You need to show the reader more of your feelings.”
More feelings? How the hell do I write my heart being ripped out? After procrastinating for a week, I turned on Mozart as loud as I could and finally started typing. With that, came the flooding of tears. After about twelve hours of this, I needed to walk away. Get a hold of myself. Pull myself together. . But how?
We carry painful memories deep in our cells; it becomes part of our genetic makeup. Recreating our DNA. Having triggers that zing us like electrical currents. I was zinged and zapped in every way.
I want answers now. Yes. It’s that simple. Just answers, please.
I need clarity. I need to get grounded again. I need to reconnect with myself. My faith. My beliefs. Reconnect with all that I know to be true…
I meditated. And meditated. And meditated some more. Nothing. Well nothing I was satisfied with. …At first…
But after a few days, I started receiving messages from my guides about the afterlife. I didn’t get the explanation that I was looking for but I was reminded that we were not born to suffer — even though it may feel that way. Painful experiences are not meant to harden us. They are the teachers of love and compassion. While sitting in this space of pain, that feels unfathomable — we are tested. The greatest gift of humanity is allowing our self to show compassion while in our deepest pain. It is during these moments that we evolve and awareness is formed.
We learn to make adjustment to our plans of how we thought life would be. We somehow figure it out. We become adaptable in places that we might have not ever been. Our priorities change. We slow down. We make time. Time that we once felt that we didn’t have. We listen with intensity to what’s meaningful to us. We find an inner strength that we were envious of in another. We grow as beings and souls. Diversity and tragedy does this to us.
Still knowing this doesn’t erase that newly formed DNA. I can’t change what has happened. I know this. I know there was nothing that I could have done. Our day is chosen before we incarnate while signing that damn soul contract.
But it does remind me to keep moving forward while holding onto faith, putting my best foot forward and above all, how quickly time passes. Each day is a day closer to reuniting rather than the focus being on how long it’s been.
What is a lifetime to us is a blink of an eye to them….
xxoo
Necole